I can't figure out where I am in that mix.
On one hand, 2012 just, to be frank, sucked. It sucked hard. My family was broken apart for 3 months. My baby boy fought tooth and nail to survive. We learned new definitions for the words "stress" and "tired". We said goodbye to many people. There was sickness and there were horrible accidents and there was sadness for so many. There are lots and lots of moments of 2012 that I don't EVER want to relive, even in memory.
However, 2012 was full of moments of indescribable joy. Parker beat the odds. Jeremiah showed himself to be the most adaptable and good-hearted little boy I could dream of. Our family and friends went to the ends of the earth and back for us. STRANGERS went to the end of the earth and back for us. Those strangers are now new friends. There was healing and there was life and there was gratitude. There are lots and lots of moments of 2012 that I will revisit for the rest of my days.
I guess I could sum it up with, "2012 was a learning experience." I learned more about NICU life than I ever wanted to know. I learned all the words to "The Next Episode" while trying to keep myself awake driving home from the hospital at 2 am. I learned how to trust God more than I ever thought possible. I learned a lot about myself and how I handle stressful situations. I learned how to ask for help. I learned that donuts can speak a thousand words from a thousand people.
I'm not a big New Year's Even girl-- I never have been. This year I am sitting alone in my pink PJs while my boys are all asleep. I am being foul humored about my corneal ulcer that was diagnosed today. (Woke up with blurry left eye vision, and am glad I went on in for a check. Apparently it is a borderline emergency situation. The eye doctor gave me her personal cell phone number "in case it blows" before my follow up Thursday. Um, super?) I am also looking back at all of our pictures from this year, and I will send myself off to bed (After midnight. It just won't be the same without Dick Clark. God rest his sweet soul!) with these memories. Some are bitter, some are sweet, but they all made 2012 what it was.
And made us who we are.
Happy New Year from the Knolls!