Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Freedom from the Funk

Here we are-- 36 hours before our lives are forever changed.  My follow-up appointments on Tuesday were uneventful, which is good.  Still set for surgery Friday morning.

I started off this week in a FUNK.  Sunday was Mother's Day- it was also Mike's birthday (on which he was working a 12 hour shift), my cousin Millicent's graduation party, and the rainiest day in recent memory.  Jeremiah and I went to church and prepared for a busy day. **I should add here that my church ensemble required the use of Spanx.  I am currently eleventy months pregnant.  It goes without saying that I started my day by emerging from my closet sweaty, cursing, and foul.**

Church was great.  The party was great.  We met Mike at work for some birthday Starbucks, and that was great.  I came home, laid Jeremiah down for a nap, and went to bed to read.  Somewhere in the middle of that very busy day, I put myself in an ugly place.  I was missing my own mother, to be sure.  I was suddenly struck by all sorts of self-pity that this was our last week of "normal" before being overtaken by the exceptionally abnormal.  Hand in hand with that was a general grouchiness at not being able to FEEL normal.  Well-meaning and good-hearted people ask me at least 10 times a day, "Are you okay?" "You need anything?" "How are you holding up?" "Are you SURE you're okay?"

One of my greatest faults, to which my dear sister can attest, is an uncanny ability to take on whatever emotional state someone else projects on me.  Growing up, Sister would say, "Why are you in a bad mood?"  I would reply that I wasn't, and she would say, "Yes you are."  We would go round and round, and eventually, I MOST DEFINITELY was in a bad mood.  For some reason, all of the well-intentioned and good-hearted inquiries as to whether or not I was okay suddenly had me feeling like maybe I wasn't supposed to be okay.

My goal throughout this entire pregnancy has been to avoid going down into the dark holes as much as possible.  I can usually see them coming, and can head them off for the most part.  I made a choice on Sunday-- if there were only 7 days of "normal" to be had before Parker gets here, then they were going to be as normal as humanly possible.

Since then, we have done a whole lot of NOTHING.  (By nothing, I of course mean laundry, packing, getting the car washed and oil changed, running 8000 errands, etc.)  We have grilled out every night and played in the jumpy house.  We have watched movies.  Today, I let Jeremiah pick whatever he wanted to do (go to the carwash and the toy section at Target).  We haven't talked TOO much about Friday, and I am doing my very best to just be a pregnant lady, not a high-risk scary pregnant lady.  We are doing our best to just be excited about Baby Day, and to enjoy these last few days of relaxation. 

As much as I have giggled at myself and my nesting, it has really worked out to our benefit.  The house is spotless, we are packed and ready, Jeremiah Care is squared away, our puppy Maggie is all set for a visit with her brother Glacier, and the freezer full of food stands ready.  All we have to do is wait for Friday morning and enjoy ourselves in the meantime.

We've shut off the anxiety valve this week, and it has been glorious.  We have put our little family in a box, which might look a lot like denial of our circumstances to some.  Believe me, we know there is a storm a-brewin'.  There are dark clouds on the horizon.  Other various scary weather metaphors.  We have 36 more hours of blissful ignorance, and we intend to spend them in the happiest possible ways.  Do you think they will let us move in to Menchie's? :-)


  1. If your emotional state is projected by others, than I have to say, "You seem to be handling this very well, and you will be OK; you've got our prayers and the Lord on your side!!"

    You are in my thoughts,

  2. Praying for you over the next 36 hours and many days to come after that!

  3. You can do this :) You are emotionally strong with a great sense of humor that will continue to help you cope with the natural worries and fears for Parker and his CDH journey. You and your family have surrounded Parker with Love. You remind me of my daughter who gave birth to my first grandchild Sept 2010. She was born with CDH and a VSD (hole in heart). At almost 20 months old you would never know the battle she fought and won to survive. She is now a beautiful girl with no developmental delays, a good appetite, a big cheesy smile and a mischievous twinkle in her eye. This is how I picture Parker in 20 months (except for the beautiful girl part).

  4. I am a grandmother to a 9 month CDH baby. There is hope!!! He also fought and survived!!! Our boy delights us every time we see him. Today he was even standing by himself! He loves food! He has just had his first cold and sailed through it like a trooper! So far the only lasting thing is the scar, but thats nothing. I count our blessings everyday. All babies are miracles but these babies are true miracles. Wishing you every best wish for Friday, with hope in my heart that your Parker comes out fighting.

  5. Hang in there, girl. You are doing just fine and what you are feeling/thinking is more than NORMAL!

    From: A thinking of you mother/grandmother in SC.

  6. A stranger here, keeping up with your blog and praying for you and your family tomorrow morning. May the Spirit rest on you and Parker and all the medical team. May baby Parker prove to be a strong and worthy opponent, ready to stare down CDH from the beginning. Blessings on you all. Holding you in the light tomorrow and all the days that follow.

  7. Praying praying praying for you and sweet Parker.

  8. Abby, I am Baby Bee's grandmother, and I have been following your story, too, since we found out about Bee. I love your attitude! I will be anxiously waiting and praying for good news tomorrow. Linda Maddox