Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here

At least once a week, someone posts some article on Facebook about how we self-edit our electronic lives who only include the highlights.  At least once a month, I have someone tell me how picture perfect life must be here at the Knolls. I try not to laugh in those people's faces.

In the interest of reality, this post is coming to you live from the 9th circle of Hades. Pull up a chunk of ice and observe, if you dare!

Let's recap-

*Parker enters Day 4 of "intestinal upset" due to teething.  Suffice it to say, my laundry room has been going non-stop with loads of crib sheets and pajamas. I remain convinced that changing crib sheets is one activity that will be assigned to those who spend eternity in this 9th circle.
*Family Fun Day at the Park quickly morphs into the start of The Knolls' Descent Into The Underworld.  My sweet Jeremiah, who is normally the sweetest child on the face of this earth, loses a screw as 4 year olds sometimes do.  Pitched an unholy fit and said he did not want to ride bikes and wanted to leave.
After a stern talking to in the car, we run into BJ's to use our free trial coupon to pick up some essentials.  Jeremiah's temporary good mood evaporates.
*Jeremiah dragged kicking and screaming out of  BJ's.  Possessed child shouts echoing off the rafters.  DFACS probably called.
*Jeremiah put to bed early.  Parker explodes through 3rd outfit of day.
*Parker goes through 3 sets of PJs and 2 crib sheets overnight.
*My sweet puppy Maggie contracts a bladder infection.  We wake to many exciting surprises Monday morning.
*Abby's phone erases all data.

*A very sleepy JB goes to school.  A very sleepy Parker and Mommy go to the doctor just to be sure nothing is wrong.  It's not.  We are advised to cut out all dairy, including formula, for a day or two and eat only starchy foods and drink only clear liquids.
*Parker is exposed to Jello for the first time.

*A brief ray of sunshine during the day-- all is well, Parker's belly is under control, we ate dinner with my family, we have turned the corner!!
*2 am- Parker wakes up hungry, as Pedialyte doesn't keep one's belly full for long.  Feed him, change his diaper, try to put him to bed.  He will have none of it.  Goes back to sleep at 5 am.
*3 am- Jeremiah informs us that he ate too many cookies at Naner's house and starts puking.

*A quiet morning.  Everyone is tired.  Mike has taken the day off, for which I bless his soul.  Jeremiah feels better but remains peaked. I have a headache that could force my skull to split open.
*Our steam cleaner (a necessity with recent events) blew up.  Sister's borrowed one works like a champ. I have run out of carpet shampoo.
*Laundry is creeping out of our closets, down the stairs, and taking over my house. I have run out of detergent.

Mike has been sent to the store to fix as much of this as possible.
I am at home, watching over my sleeping babes and my sick puppy.

We have somehow angered the gods, we Knolls.  I will shortly be climbing the tallest pyramid with a goat if that's what it takes.

All of this to say, this is how we are rolling right now. We are covered in poop and puke and pee.  It ain't pretty, but it's us.  It's all temporary and we will soon get the heck out of this dark, dark place and back into the light.  Very much hoping for sooner than later.

Le sigh. 


  1. SO sorry you are going through such a messy, unpleasant time. I hope it gets better soon! I also had to chuckle about the FB commentary. I once had someone unfriend me because they found me too negative...which is funny because that is not an adjective anyone else has used to describe me before or since. However, it made me paranoid so I spent about 2 weeks being completely Pollyanna Sunshine on FB until I realized the person in question had already unfriended me so the forced cheer was wasted. ;-)That being said, I appreciate your humor and positive outlook on life in the darkest of times...

  2. Abby....
    "At least once a month, I have someone tell me how picture perfect life must be here at the Knolls." ?! What the....? That is only because these people--whoever they may be--haven't a clue what your life is truly like!! Because, honestly, Abby? They would need to walk a mile in your shoes before really understanding!! I do.... :)
    I love, love, love the picture of Parker's reaction to Jello!! Not yet? Hee, hee, hee.... ;-D
    Crack. Me. Up!! I so appreciate your sense of humor!! I am sorry that things have been downright nasty lately, but you possess an incredible positive outlook on life!! This is, after all, just a season!! ;)

  3. Please forgive me but I am laughing out loud SO HARD that tears are rolling down my face. You need to write comedy or better yet have your own TV program called "How The Knolls Roll". I know you would be a big hit!!!l Keep your sense of humor ... it will carry you far! Can't wait for the next episode :)!

  4. HELP!!! Easter, get here quick. We need sunshine and fresh air. HELP!! Keep on keeping on, cause what else can you do!! Love your posts.